An open letter to all the Insensitive People Out There!!!

To,

You, (all Insensitive People)

You know, there's a lot of respect for you I have.

You’re the kind of people who get shit done, keep the world running smoothly despite mishaps, are able to separate business from relationships and refrain from tapping into unwanted feelings. It’s cool. I respect it. And in some ways, I think I’d love to be one of you too (don’t be so happy).

Because I care too much, and I am a very Sensitive person - people like you call us - “Overly Dramatic”.

I’ve been told I’m an empathetic person. I think about other people's feelings and try to empathize them when they come to me for problems. It's helped me try to get to know my friends better and made me pick my words wisely depending on who I’m talking to. It's also helped me learn how to listen well, comfort others and sympathies with them. Among my peers I appear much like a “troubleshooter” character, trying to brighten up the room. And to others maybe not(?), but that’s fine, we (any of us) shouldn’t live to please everyone. We should do what we like unless its harmful to others.

So anyway, back to the letter. I wanted to explain that there’s a huge difference between us. It's obvious that your kind of just...don’t care, and I do. Which is why I am writing this letter, because I’d like to ask a few questions.

Before that let me explain the Insensitivity.

What is Insensitivity?

Insensitivity is unfeeling, coldness of behavior shown and extended towards another as well as to all things on Earth. Insensitivity is when we harbor ill feeling while parting with someone we once loved and adored. It is the retention and preservation of ego that precludes all of us from reaching out to the other person and saying a genuine “sorry”.

Insensitivity is choosing the wrong time to divulge what one thinks or feels (often negatively) about a person or situation. Au contraire, sensitivity is the positive outcome of one’s whole persona and it contains the nuances of inherent civilized behavior in public and even in complete privacy.

Why don’t you care?

I’ve tried to answer this question through my own means by kind of studying insensitive people over the past some weeks. I think about their actions and how they respond to certain things. Like, how come you don’t react to situations the same (at least similar) way I do? Why does a problem of mine not seem as much of a problem to you?

It’s confusing to me because I get that you can’t relate to everything (no one can) but why can’t you all be able to give a response that at least shows you care? Why can’t you just understand others trauma, situation and just be there. I am not saying you should cry with them when they are crying, but at least be supportive.

Do you just think "aw yeah anyway, that person will get over it"?

“We need to accept this Uncertainty happened” – I want to ask you Really?

And when you say “I understand the Pain, but this is some Deadline and has to be done asap” – weird? But yeah people ask like that.

I, myself experienced recently - I was looking at my close friend's Cremation Picture in phone (as you know this lockdown fucked, so couldn’t go to see her) and same time, I got a message notification to work on something with deadline, which could actually have been done anytime over the week infact to be honest - in next month too. But why do you people don’t understand (being AWARE of everything) the importance of timing and just say and do things which harm others to Death (Literally).

How do you even exist?

The definition of insensitive means "showing or feeling no concern for others' feelings".

How do you go about your day not giving a shit about people?

And if you are married and how does your wife/husband handle this shit or she/he Left you already or she/he is suffering like we are, having you around? (No offence)

I don’t mean like you don’t have friends or anything or that you DON'T CARE completely about everything but how come when someone says something to you about their life, your kind of just go "I don’t know man hope u can get over it".

You might think that "well there’s nothing I can do to help" - yeah okay, but do you also think that a half-assed pity message is going to act as support? That’s like putting a band aid over a stab wound!!!

Pathetic and useless!!!!

Do you know how much of an affect you have on people?

There is a scenario in a book I read recently “Talking to strangers “- you can read my review about the same if needed else this is mentioned in the initial pages of the book, so you can read that even if you don’t want to read the book.

Your attitude towards other’s issues can lead to death and stress others like hell which ultimately lead to many other things. (which you don’t want to hear I am sure)

It’s sad that these kinds of things happen a lot.

Insensitive people not understanding a situation correctly and then trying to lessen the importance of the problem/issue and think that it can be solved quickly.

But, there’s a point to all this. When we negate people’s fall, or feelings, or issues, or Trauma, we fail to be there for them. When we brush off another person’s reality, we hurt them even more. Just because we brush off someone else’s pain, doesn’t mean it disappears. In fact, insensitivity to pain often heightens it. It causes tantrums. Explosions. Depression.

What’s even more disappointing is that most of them get surprised at such things like depression. Sometimes you can get that "oh? They wanted to kill themselves? That’s so weird". It's like they cannot FATHOM other people’s feelings and emotions either.

Then after they acknowledge it, they go on with their day.

Honestly, I could write a whole other rant about people not caring about other’s issues who have mental issues but hey, it'd be insensitive to call people out wouldn't it?

So, to answer my own question, I don’t think you care whether your words have affect on other people or not. You only care if it happens your way or nah. Like, "are they going to agree to my plans?" or like "are they going to get the hint that I don’t want to talk about this and end the conversation?".

You could be thinking right now, "well they should know not to talk to me. I’m not good with that stuff".

First of all, people like me or others who want to confide in other people shouldn’t have to have a list of people "not to talk to" because then that’s just a total waste of friendship?

Secondly, you’re only not good with that kind of stuff because you think emotions are yucky and you can’t be bothered dealing with tougher things than what you'll eat for lunch today.

Lastly, I genuinely find this sickening and it’s not even because I care a lot about other people. It’s because I don’t see the reason why you could ever put yourself as top priority over everything, even your friends/colleagues with problems. I mean, I do understand that your health and stuff always come first, but do you really think that mentality is always appropriate even when such a vulnerable person has come to talk to you???

Can you even think, when you talk to others like this when they are handling a trauma can lead to death or mental illness?

Oh, I forgot, you don’t understand if these kinds of illnesses exist at all. You don’t understand what anxiety is. And then people like you call that “Mentally Unfit” in loose language.

I will give you one real life example to explain how the sensitivity affects others:

I once went out for dinner with a good friend of mine (many of you would guess easily) to a place called The Whitefield Arms.

She is a non-vegetarian (Punjabi).

Having ordered some nachos with cheese with some other vegetarian stuff for myself, I asked her to order something non-vegetarian for herself. Her reply has stayed with me all these years.

She said, “Despite being a non-vegetarian, I can’t eat it in your presence. I can sacrifice my meat intake for your sake as anyway you and I go out rarely. I know, you’ve never touched meat your entire life and despite your insistence, I can see that you are not really comfortable about this and your comfort matters to me”

Still, she never has Non-veg when we go out together and infact orders what I like to eat.

You know what, this is a very small thing but gives me comfort to be with her for long hours and talk about anything. Sometimes, a small Good gesture affects a lot.

I just request you to give that space and comfort to let them handle their shit themselves and don’t make it worse. You do not have to do anything actually, just GIVE THEM THAT SPACE for god's sake. And don’t be a murderer.

I read somewhere -